Can't You Save Me?
by SwaggitySwiteWeLikeToWrite
Summary: Toby Turner holds a dark secret, one he hopes NOBODY will ever find out. But when Felix Kjelberg Walks in on him doing this dark secret, what will happen? Can Felix handle the pressure of this secret, or will he leave Toby to deal with it himself? To add to the mix, Felix just so happens to like Toby. How can Felix keep his feelings and the presure locked down. Rated T for triggers
1. Chapter 1

Slash. Slash. Slash. Each cut dug deeper into my skin. And you know what? It felt fucking good. The blood that seeped and poured onto the cold tile floor and the burn that the razor left felt fucking amazing. So what how my legs, arms, and chest felt afterwards? No one would ever know. No one could ever know. Not my family. Not my friends. Not a girlfriend even if I were to propose. When they saw me, they saw a happy young guy that had it all together, someone who could smile and make a fucking joke about whatever, no matter the seriousness. They saw a good looking guy in his mid twenties that could take care of himself, that never seemed to know a bad day in his life. My breathe shuttered as I let the metal cut my skin, blood rushing to get out and be free. I smirked. I wasn't like those dumb people who cut on the wrist, I made sure to do it at my elbow and up. That wad as long as I had some long sleeved material on I was fine. I had made that mistake only once when I was younger, a teacher had seen. Luckily that week I had moved to the other side of America. "Fuck" I cried out as the razor dipped into me. There was only one problem with the whole fucking thing. I was in public. I had to be at vidcon, all my fans were expecting me to be there. I had basically begged my manager not to go, but the blonde haired girl was stubborn. I was forced to be here. I don't know what drove me into the bathroom, or why I just so happened to be carrying a razor. I guess it was a habit anymore. Sighing, I decided that I had enough, and was about to put the razor up and get off the ground to clean up the ground when the stall door opened. Looming over me was a blonde man with eyes that looked like they were watching murder.  
"Toby" the Swedish accent said in shock. Pewdiepie.

**Felix POV **

"Toby" I could barely even whisper at this point. Toby sat there, his arm and chest covered in slits and blood, a razor in his hands, and a look of pure horror on his face. Honestly my face was probably wasn't any better. But when I heard someone cry out in pain 'fuck', and saw the blood, what was I suppose to do? For all I knew the person was badly injured! But when I saw that it was Toby...  
"I-I can explain" he started. I nodded to let him go on, but when he proceeded to try, he just ended up with no explanation. I felt so bad for him...  
"Toby. Can we please talk about this?" I begged. He looked whiter then paper, a look of pure shame covered his face. He looked down a moment, and when he finally looked up, his face proved to show he was about to cry. He grabbed some paper towels, doing his best to clean up the blood. "Don't worry about it Toby, I can get someone in here to clean it up. Making an excuse won't be hard" I offered. He nodded, slowly getting up and walking with me. Off to the hotel we go.

* * *

**Toby POV**

"Here we are" I said, Felix pulling the car up to my house. We went inside, my body still bleeding, burning with the after sting of the fucking razor. How had I been so stupid!? I left the stall unlocked; I was cutting at vidcon where millions of people were going just to see YouTubers. And of course it had to be Felix to walk in on me mid cut. I know I needed help, but honestly I didn't care. Viewers went to Felix for screaming, Shane Dawson for perverted and serious jokes, Jenna Marbles for rants, and me for senseless child like humor. So why was Pewdie even helping me? Thinking about it, he should be laughing at me right now! So why wasn't he? Walking inside after unlocking the door, I looked down. I couldn't even look up to the blonde beauty. How am I supposed to explain myself? I had no abusive childhood, no rape story. My friends and family all loved me, so how could I say "I just felt like it"?  
Miserably, my hand slide down to my pocket, where the rusty silver line of steel resided.

"Toby!" I heard the familiar accent say in shock. My hand instinctively shot away, as the tears had a marathon down my face. This was pathetic, _I_ was pathetic!

At first I was afraid to cry in front of the Swede, he was so pleasant to be around, and this was my first time meeting him. Then I didn't even give a fuck. This was my god Damn house, and I had every fucking right to cry! I fell onto the couch in a heap, my limbs staying where ever they landed. Was there even a point to existing anymore? Just when I thought I should take the metal out and slit my throat, a pair of warm arms embraced me, holding me tightly. Confused, I looked up to see none other than Felix holding me, stroking my hair and whispering that it was ok, like a mother did to her upset child. I buried my head in his chest, sobbing my heart out. I wasn't sorry I got caught, yet at the same time I was. Why was I so confused? Anymore I couldn't tell anger apart from sadness. I guess it all just wrapped into depression. Was that what this was? Depression? I was just making it up, there was no way I could be depressed. Right?

**Felix POV**

I cradled the sobbing brown-eyed boy until I heard him calm down, the tears subsiding. It took me about ten minutes to realize he had fallen asleep. Quietly picking him up, I carried him to what could only be his bedroom, softly laying him down on the bed. He was peaceful this way, but I knew when he would wake he would be hurting. I looked around, trying to think of something to clean his scars with. After ten minutes of finding things, and twenty minutes of quietly cleaning the cuts, I finally let him be. I made sure he looked comfortable, then left the bedroom tacitly. I had a lot to think about. Thankfully, Vidcon was still a week away. The following week was filled with rehearsals, tours and sightseeing. Thinking over the whole ordeal made me nervous. What could have caused Toby so much pain? What kind of person would I be if I were to just leave Toby after vidcon? To go home, and act like nothing happened? I couldn't do that, no way. It wouldn't matter if I did go home or not, I brought the supplies I needed for recording, and it's not like I had anyone waiting for me. Maya and Marzia had moved out after we broke up, leaving me with nobody but my camera's as company. I had considered getting a pet, but just never got around to doing so. I could just extend my stay at the hotel, or find somewhere to live. It was no big deal, I just wanted to help Toby. Whatever or whoever did this to him _will_ pay. There was no doubt about that. Looking around his apartment, I swore I heard something, like little tapping's. I looked around, seeing nothing. When I thought I was sure, I went on looking about his house, only to hear the tapping again!

"Hello?" I called out softly, not wanting to wake up Tobuscus. More tapping, and this time it was getting closer. I desperately looked around, unsure of what to expect.

"Arf Arf" I jumped, turning to see a small dog sitting on the ground, looking up expectantly at me. Sighing with relief, I crouched down, petting the small dog. I laughed to myself. I had been scared by a dog! I closed my eyes, relaxing a bit. It just hit me how tired I was. Deciding to sleep on the couch, I searched his house for a blanket. After three different rooms, I finally settled down with a small brown blanket, lying on the couch. I let my eyelids fall, thinking about what to do, my situation…until…I…finally…

**Thanks for reading! Please give this story a chance, I know the updates will take awhile because it's two separate people writing one story. The two authors are Jennette1 and INeedATripleTallExtraHotLatte. The first chapter was written by Jennette1, and INATTEHL will be writing chapter two. So every other chapter I (Jennette1) will be writing, then the next INATTEHL. Please review, they really help motivate us to keep writing, and we will see you next chapter! Thank you! **

**~Jennette1**


	2. Chapter 2

**Morning After**

**Toby's POV**

I groggily come to, not wanting to open my eyes. Sleep never lasted long enough anymore...not for me, anyway. Laying face down, I lift my head up, some drool coming out the side of my mouth. Wiping my eyes and then my mouth, I almost freak out as I collect my surroundings. It's only my room, I come to realize. I got all panicked for nothing, it seems.

Laying back down on my back, I stare at my ceiling, trying to recollect thoughts. I'd been crying in his arms...I must've fallen asleep in the hassle of emotions. Stupid, stupid, stupid. This wouldn't be happening right now if you would've learned to be stealthier. Stealth-buscus has failed his mission...

A dumb looking smile crosses my face at the bad joke, but it quickly disappears as I wonder where the dirty-blond boy went. With protest from my bones, I sit up, stretching my upper half afterwards. Before standing, I look down at my feet. What am I gonna say? What am I gonna do?! A bit of panic rises in me as I attempt to come up with an actual plan. What was there to say? I have a perfect life, so I like to cut.

That's not even why I cut, though...but it seems like it. Loneliness was my main reason. I felt like no one really talks to me anymore. Besides Claire-who sometimes visits-and Gryphon, I don't really hang out with people. Sure, I go to parties and talk with people, but at the end of the night...I come home alone.

As my feet touch my carpet, I hesitate once more before going to find Felix. He probably went back to his hotel. He's probably sick of me and my stupid issues and went away...he has his own, after all. What, with his and Marzia's break-up that is. In all the mumbo-jumbo, I forgot about the Swede's recent break up. I wonder how he is...

I walk into the living room, suspecting he'd be on the couch. My suspicions were confirmed as I notice the gamer fast asleep. Cocking my head to the side, I smile. It was a small smile, one that barely met the eyes, but it was a smile nonetheless. He looked so innocent when he slept. So...child-like. Was that creepy? Nah...

Not having the heart to wake him up, I just sit on the floor, watching him in a totally non-creepy way. Okay...slightly creepy...

As if on cue, Felix slowly wakes up, smiling and snuggling into the couch as he does so. I smirk as he jolts up.

**Felix's POV**

For some reason, I felt more comfortable then usual. There was an odd...a different smell enveloping me like a letter, causing me to snuggle deeper into the furniture I'm on. Then I remember where I'm at. Jolting up, I look at Toby, as if he was a jump-scare. Letting out a small chuckle, I run a hand through my hair.

I open my mouth as if to say something, but don't know what to say. So I just close it and sit up fully. I almost quirk an eyebrow as Toby stares at me intently, as if he was studying me for an important test. Instead, I shake the confusion off and stand up.

"I'll make breakfast if you want." I shrug, not caring. I felt sort of welcomed here...for some odd reason. Toby looks down, shaking his head as if to say he's not hungry. I just nod. We'll talk about everything later. Speaking of later, what time is it? Looking at my watch, I almost gasp. 2:00 pm?! What in the world...

"How's it already 2:00?" I ask, sitting back down. No breakfast this morning...well, maybe we'd talk sooner then I thought. Not being very talkative, the brown-eyed guy just shrugs.

"Toby..." I get more serious. Obviously, I wanted to talk. That must've been what Toby was avoiding. Standing back up, I walk over to his spot on the floor, sitting in front of him, "Why do you...I mean...uh..." I sigh, sheepishly smiling.

"Why do I cut?" He finishes for me. I nod.

**Toby's POV**

"Why do I cut?" I finish his sentence. He nods in return. "That's a bit of a big question there." I joke, dead-panning. He doesn't laugh, or give me an angry look...he just waits for an actual answer.

"What'ya want me to say?" I look at him dead in the eyes. He bites his lip.

"I just want an explanation, Toby."

"I don't see why you care so much, Felix..." I mutter, looking down at my hands that rest in my lap. He puts his hand on my shoulder, causing my head to snap up rather quickly. He lightens his grip once he notices.

"I care...because I don't want you to hurt yourself." He gives a reason. I just nod, closing my eyes and finally answering his question.

"Because I'm lonely...I feel like no one cares, and then you come into the picture and just contradict my thoughts." I mutter at first, my voice gradually getting louder. Maybe he did care, maybe he just showed concern for anyone who does what I do. The shameful thing I do, in fact. I'm ashamed of something that feels so good. It's almost like lust, honestly.

Silence. Silence is all that fills the room, causing a slight ringing to make its way into my ears. It was better then making conversation at the moment. That's when something catches my completely off guard. I feel Felix hug me. A friendly, warm hug. I hug back after a few seconds...

**Felix's POV**

"Because I'm lonely...I feel like no one cares, and then you come into the picture and just contradict my thoughts." His voice gets louder as he says this. Loneliness. That feeling was way too mutual. It was probably the worst of all, next to heart-break. That constant feeling of emptiness. Things to share, but no one to share it with. That was what I feel, anyway. That's what caused me to do what I did next. Engulf the broken boy into a hug.

I didn't know what else to do but embrace him. A good hug was what he needed, especially now that he's told me more. We stay like that for a few minutes, before I break the hug.

"Toby...I'm here for you, okay? You won't be lonely." I assure him. Then he asks a question that I just don't want to answer.

"What happens when you leave?" He asks like a child not wanting his mom to go to the grocery store without him.

I shake my head slightly, "I...I won't." I stretch the truth a little. I'll have to leave sooner or later, but...whatever makes Toby happy. He looks skeptical, but nods anyway. I nod along for no reason. He the looks down at his hands, I follow his view. He moves up the 'Tobuscus' jacket a bit, looking at his scars. I hoped they'd soon be just reminders...battle scars, maybe. The battle being with himself, I suppose.

Toby looks up, noticing where I was looking. I could see him bite his lip out of the corner of my eye. He rolls down the sleeve, putting his hands in his pockets.

**Toby's POV**

I reach into my pockets, feeling the razor-blade. He'd forgot to take it out... Trying not to look alarmed, I look up at Felix, almost expecting him to know that it was in my pocket. Instead, he looked clueless. As much as I really wanted to take it out, I couldn't. I felt like I'd be disobeying Felix in some way...so instead, I just dragged my finger along the sharp, cold metal.

I didn't even notice my finger started bleeding, until Felix pointed a blood stain out. My eyes widen, a look of disgust on my face. Disgust at myself... Sure, it was just my finger, but to know that I had _absolutely _no control over myself. It...it made me hate myself a little bit.

With a new-found hate, I open my mouth to speak, closing it soon after.

**Pewdie's POV**

"Toby...give me the razor-blade." I step towards him and he steps back, shaking his head. "Toby..." I say nicely again, holding my hand out. He just shakes his head again, stepping even further back. "Give me the razor, dammit!" I yell, about ready to tackle him. He, once again, shakes his head, annoying me. I step even closer, and he steps even farther away, causing him to hit a wall. Practically running over to him, I reach into his pocket, his hand still in there.

The other boys hand was clasped around the blade. I could feel a sticky liquid-blood. "Please, Toby." I look into his eyes with a seriousness, begging him to give me it. Sighing, he obliges, going to take his hand out. I smile, thinking he was gonna give me the razor. Boy, was I wrong. Instead, he cuts my hand a bit, causing me to jump back at the pain. As soon as I do, he dashes out of the room and into the bathroom.

"Fucking hell! Toby!" I run after him, forgetting about my hand. By the time I reach the bathroom, I establish that it's locked. I pound on it, sighing.

"Dammit..."

* * *

**A/N: Hi! I'm Latte. You can call me that, since it's much easier that my actual name. I think Jennette pretty much explained everything. If anything is unclear, just leave a review or private message us. We'll clear things up, okay? Like she said, reviews do help motivate us a ton! See you my next chapter. Bye!**

**~INeedATripleTallExtraHotLatte a.k.a Latte.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Toby's POV**

"Fucking Hell! Toby" I hear being yelled at me as I run towards the bathroom, quickly shutting and locking the door behind me. Soon enough there's pounding, until an audible "Damn it" is heard. I sigh, falling to the ground. I don't know what came over me; I don't know why I even refused to give him the blade. I had even been thinking about handing it over before he tried to take it! I just..needed a moment. I wanted to know every reason why I was cutting, why I was depressed. Before Vidcon.

I pulled out the blade slowly, examining it. There was some blood on it, dried and some fresh.

"_Felix"_ I thought to myself. I had scraped his hand. What was wrong with me? Not only was I hurting myself, but now I was cutting other people that were only trying to help me?

But the worst part about this was that my only excuse was that I was lonely. Could loneliness really do that to a person, drive them to cutting and being secretly depressed? It didn't make much sense. Nothing did.

**Knock knock.**

"Toby. Can I get a bandage? I promise I won't try to take the blade." I heard a Swedish accent ask. With discontent, I put my pride aside and opened the door, only to find no one there.

"What the-" I started as I stepped out of the door. I felt hands grab my shoulders, then before I knew it, I was stuck between a wall and a Felix.

"Now, are you going to give me the blade?" He said in one of the most serious voices I had ever heard. Shock coursed through me, but I finally regained myself and stubbornly handed him the blade.

"Thank you. Now, I haven't been in L.A. more than two days, and have eaten nothing but airplane food in that time. Can we go get something? I'm starving" The anger that used to be in his voice no longer existed, leaving as soon as it had came. I could only stare blankly at him, until my head nodded in response. He had literally thrown me against a wall, and demanded the blade. Then asked if we could get some food. Thinking on his part though, it did get him the blade.

Maybe that was the best for both of us.

**Felix POV**

I let go of Toby, letting him slip past me as I just stared at the wall he was moments ago pressed against. Sure I felt bad about doing that, but I knew I would have no other choice. I turned away from the wall, grabbing my phone and keys and heading out the door with Toby.

* * *

We arrived at the restaurant, randomly sitting down at a table and ordering. The restaurant was cute, nothing fancy at all. It was quiet, with not many people there, which was good in our case, less chance of us getting recognized. It's not that we don't like to meet our fans, but in Toby's state I'm afraid he might slip. After ordering we sat down, waiting for our number to be called. Toby's eyes went down and stayed there, refusing to look up at me. I couldn't help but feel guilty, but he didn't need to have that razor, and he especially proved that when he lashed out at me.

"229?" I heard the women at the counter yell out. I jumped up, quickly grabbing our tray of food and sitting it down on the table. Toby looked up, smiling nervously when I set the food down.

"Thanks" He said, grabbing a sandwich and unwrapping it. I grabbed my own, unwrapping the sandwich from its white wrapper and eventually taking a bite. The first thought that crossed my mind was _"Greasy"_ but I continued eating, not quite enjoying the food. The fries were steaming with heat, a bit too hot for me to eat yet.

"You see that shirt" Toby nudged his head over at a woman wearing a plaid shirt, a picture of a dinosaur spread across the shirt.

"Yeah.." I said, wondering what he was about to say.

"You could say she has a plaidosaur shirt"

I sat there dumbfounded. Then started smiling, letting the joke set in. It was funny, but considering I had a mouth full of fries I didn't exactly want to start laughing and choke on them.

I just stared at Toby for a bit…engraining every detail of his face into my head. The way his soft brown eyes looked good with his dark hair, curly and straight at the same time. His light pink lips were a good shade to his face..I only had two words to say about the whole picture really.

"Fan, vacker" I mumbled, looking him over again. He looked up, confused.

"Nothing" I said, looked down at took another bite of my sandwich. Everyone has a little crush, right?

"Are you done?" Tobuscus asked, finishing his own food.

"Yeah, let's go"

"Will do"

I grabbed our trash and threw it away, then headed out the door.

* * *

**Toby POV**

We got back to Felix's rental car, and went back to my house. Deciding to take advantage of the substandard situation, we decided to record a game together.

"What game" Pewdie asked, looking through my collection.

"Well, we both play happy wheels. It's an idea; I know the audience will like it."

"Sure, the bro's would enjoy it too"

I smirked at how we were acting as if it were no big deal. The second (almost first) most subscribed person on youtube was standing in my house, going to collab with me. Of course our viewers would flip, and honestly, I might just from the excitement of it. I quickly set up the stuff, and sat Felix down. Something about this just made me all childlike, excited!

* * *

"Hello once again audience, we left off last time with me running into a wall, then riding on the wall, and now it's time to find out who's better, Tobuscus or…"

"PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWDIEPIE" Pewdiepie cut in, jumping in view of the camera and screaming his signature name.

"We decided that we each play one map, and whoever does it better and faster wins. And By we, I mean me. Just now" I laughed and leaned to one side, going out of view of the camera then back up.

After three hours of filming, we were finally done. We had enough to make four episodes, two on Pewdiepie's, two on my channel. I looked over in satisfaction at Pewdie, a smile wide on my face. He gave me a weird look, then smiled back.

"What" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

"For the last three hours you've been…happy. You haven't cried, you haven't cut, you've been smiling..I don't know, it just nice to see you happy"

I was shocked, but then I realized it was true. When I was filming anything I seemed to be so much more happier. And not acting, I was legitimately more happy. Without thinking I wrapped my arms around him, happy he was here.

"Thanks for not leaving or calling me a freak" I pulled away.

His cheeks got pink, "It's no big deal"

"_Maybe you think so, but to me, it's the world"_

* * *

**A/N**

**So. This is late. By 9 days. I'm sorry, I went to my grandparents (accompanied by Latte), and now I'm going camping. Latte should update twice while I'm gone, then I promise when I get back I'll get straight to work on it. Also, we have another story coming soon, along with a schedule. **

**Also, if it isn't obvious, this is AU, We do not own Pewdiepie or Tobuscus, Or Felix Arvid Ulf Kjelberg or Toby Joe Turner.**

**Ps, what do you guys think of Panic! At the Disco's new song, Miss Jackson ?**

**~Jennette1**


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